Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder who the stranger staring back at you is? So many people look at their lives and wonder how they ended up at this point. One step at a time, my friend, one step at a time. We arrived at this very moment by taking a step in this direction, willingly or unknowing. We still made it.
I have many times said I will never sign another divorce decree. I stand by these words. When I say till death I mean it. So whether it be from old age or down the barrel of a gun, I will not pay another divorce attorney. I will not endure another 3 years of misery over bakeware and who will take the kids to baseball practice. You want to marry me? You better be unwavering in that decision, because one ounce if doubt, and I'll run like Forest Gump.
I know exactly what I want in this life. I have goals, dreams and fantasies, and while I may not achieve every one, I'll get extremely close. I want to be self employed one day and successful. I want to own my very own piece of dirt. There is a man out there I want to share this life with. Maybe I've met him, and maybe not, but he's there, and hopefully we will find one another. Of course, my greatest hope is that he feels the same. I will admit, I am not everyone's cup of tea, but some like a shot of whiskey with it, so there's hope for me yet!
I am a very strong and independent woman. I don't need a man to carry me, help me or take care of me. Truth is I don't need a man. I WANT a man to stand beside me and walk through this life together. I want a partner and a friend to laugh at my stupid jokes, poke fun at me when I'm needing a boost, and to enjoy the every day routine of life. I want someone to support my choices, and whom I can encourage to succeed as well. There will be ups and downs inevitably, and we will fight I'm certain. To have someone that never gives up on me, who's willing to fight for me, and will always look at me with wonder and love, that is the ultimate dream.
Girls are brought up believing in fairy tales, and so much of me still does. Don't get me wrong, I have no disillusions about it. The Disney stories aren't real. I don't want the big poofy white dress, and I know I have slim to no chance of marrying royalty, but I can be someone's queen. I have a big heart that's full of love, just waiting to share. I will not share this heart with anyone unworthy, for I know my worth, and I'll settle for nothing less.
The point I set out to make is that I got the point I am in this life by one decision at a time. Some of them were piss poor to say the least, while others I have to give credit to the Lord above. No way I could be that smart on my own. I've gotten lucky some too. I don't regret a single decision in my life, because each one brought me here, and well, I think I'm pretty awesome. A man once asked if I regretted ever meeting my ex, and the answer is no. I don't regret it in the least. He taught me many things in those 10 years, and he gave me 3 tiny humans that I love more than anything in this world. Regretting him would mean regretting them, and that I could never do.
Each mistake, every misstep taught me a lesson, be it good or bad. My love life has taught exactly what type of man I want to share my life with, and every trait I will not tolerate. Friends, boyfriends and lovers alike have shown me what real chemistry is, what a gentleman looks like, how to escape the games, and most of all how to listen to my inner voice. I believe in the gut, and I trust it. My brain can be stupid. My heart takes me for a ride that's not anyways fun, but the gut never lies. She stands screaming "He's a pirate! Only out for the booty!" And I've learned to run, without surrendering the gold. After all, there are little people that look up to me. I will not allow a person to enter my life and influence theirs negatively. You'll be a role model or an example.
Like I said, I may not be everybody's cup of tea, but I can be someone's shot of whiskey.
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