I have always believed in a divine plan or purpose- kind of that everything happens for a reason concept. Call it fate, karma, what have you, I've always believed it was real, though I didn't always pay attention to the signs.
A fine example would be roughly 10 years ago right after my ex had proposed marriage. I'm not sure of his intentions, but I had none of rushing down the aisle. I saw a long engagement of several years at the least. Not quite how that turned out. A surprise pregnancy launched a mad dash to the alter with one set of parents demanding we make it right and the other coming up with every obstacle possible to prevent the exchanging of vows. Funny thing is, I assumed the roles would be reversed. I figured it'd be my family forcing us down the halls of matrimony, but it was anything but. From the refusal to contribute financially to the wedding all the way to a bribe at the door of the church, my family was firmly against it. Did I listen? No. Why would I? After all we were happy, meant to be. I clearly wasn't reading the signs on the wall.
The day I met my in laws, I'd been invited to dinner at 7pm. I arrived at 6 50 and was greeted with a family that had already eaten and the driest piece of chicken I'd ever encountered placed in front of me with the words here ya go, Kristen. Pardon me? It's not bad enough the girls pictures were still all over the house, but to be called her name? I should've walked out, but I didn't. We were happy, remember?
The unplanned pregnancy was announced to my family right away. Actually, my mom informed me of my situation. None the less it was accepted with grace and love. Not the case when we announced to his family. After months of hiding until I could no longer conceal my growing bump, I was denounced as the whore who'd disgraced their family name. We won't mention that this was my first pregnancy, and he already had 2 children by 2 different women, neither of which he had anything to do with. I endured a couple hours of name calling, humiliation and belittling, before I finally just got up to leave. His dad chased outside and said whatever it took to calm me down. We cleared the air, but it would be an awkward few months to come.
The baby arrived just 6 weeks before the wedding date. That's when things began to get really interesting. The universe saw I wasn't paying attention to the subtle hints being thrown at me. So it stepped it up a notch or 12. There was only 1 dress in the millions for sale that fit, and I hated it. My bridesmaids came from all walks of life and couldn't agree on a style, and the plans on general crumbled a little every day. I had begged for 6 months to just go to the justice of the peace and not have a huge charade. He wanted to give me the wedding of my dreams. Little did he know the nightmare on the horizon. The week of the wedding rolled around. The chapel had been booked, bridesmaids informed to wear black, hair up, and I didn'tcarethestyle, and it was full steam ahead.
The first call of disaster was from the florist informing me that by mistake the flowers had not been ordered, and it wasn't possible to get them in. The next was from the photographer who'd over booked himself that day and would not be photographing our wedding. We rallied. My future mother in law took it upon herself to hire a florist and choose our flowers. He was color blind. My future father in law agreed to take the pictures four the ceremony, but he didn't realize the shutter on his camera had broken. The only pictures we got were from my dad's camera and friends who attended. The cake lady was fired the day before the wedding for refusing to make what we wanted, so a friends of my future in laws made a cake. While it was delicious, it again was not what I wanted. Our intentions were to cut the cake at the chapel and be gone. No. That's not what the mother in law wanted, so we were having a reception at her house. Mind you, this is the house that has ex girlfriend pictures still hanging on the walls.
I started to question who's wedding this was. Was it mine? Or her's?
None the less, ahead we marched like calves to the slaughter. As we arrived at the rehearsal dinner, I realized I'd missed the graveyard in front of the chapel. Our parents had not yet been introduced, and we arrived to find my dad sitting on a tombstone making off color jokes. Panic set in as the show down between 2 hot heads began, but thankfully my mom diffused it by reminding both parties they weren't there for them. We sat through the most uncomfortable dinner where his family talked to each other, and my family spoke to each other. No one socialized. I was swept off to a furnished apartment provided by a friend, where the bathroom door broke on my way in, and it took a near dislocated shoulder to bust out.
The morning of the wedding arrived, and my groom had an unexpected oral surgery and then arrived sun burnt from watching a ball tournament half the day. A bridesmaid had fallen off the planet, and to this day I've never heard from her. My hair didn't go as planned, my makeup was more than my dad could handle, and my dress was just a tad too short. By the time my dad offered me $10,000.00 at the door of the church, every fiber of my being said run. Did I? Of course not. I had a wishbone instead of a backbone, and down the aisle we went. There was no honey moon. There was no honey moon phase. We were whisked away back into everyday life, and in the back of my mind I wondered for months what if I'd just taken the money?
Fate tried desperately to turn my head. I refused to see it. And while I have no regrets over the last 10 years, I still wonder what may have been. I don't regret a day I spent with the man. We built a great life together, brought 3 beautiful children into this world, and made a ton of memories. I learned a million lessons though.
Today I sit and reflect on my life, and I'm genuinely happy where I'm at. I am madly in love with a man, and between the 2 of us, we have 5 precious tiny humans. We have our disagreements. We fight. In fact, a few weeks ago he struck a nerve with me, and I packed every item he owned and placed it by the front door. I didn't throw it in the yard, because that makes a whole new statement. That says, you're not coming back in. By the door says you can stay, but you'll fight for it. He did fight. It broke my heart to see him sad, but I stood my ground, and we are stronger because of it.
Life has taught me never to be an option, never allow disrespect, and fight for what you love. As I said, I don't have regrets in life. I do wish I'd told some I loved them sooner. I wish I'd told some to get lost sooner. Most of all, I wish I had discovered who I was earlier in life. That's not how it happened though. I've learned so much over the years, and my heart is full of love and joy. I could choose to be bitter, but I refuse. That doesn't hurt anyone but me. I will love with all my heart, but in the future hopefully, I'll pay attention to the signs a little sooner. Maybe it will save me a tad bit of heartache. Maybe not, only time will tell.
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