They don't make em like they used to

The generation we live in today is so different than it was even when I was a kid. We hear all the time the phrase "they don't make em like they used to. " Truer words have never been spoken,  my friends. I'm not sure what our parents missed when raising the boys my age,  but something went amiss. Same with the girls. Respect, honesty,  decency,  morality,  all have seemed to vanish. My generation seems to be the dying breed when it comes to marriage. Most of us do it way to young,  and then by 30 we're divorced with kids,  and so jaded the thought of even a relationship makes us cringe. I'm no exception to this. A friend used the term "boyfriend" in reference to a guy I know,  and I had a 3 second panic attack. The thought of being tied down and belonging to someone made me cringe. Mostly it was the thought that I could fall in love and be hurt again.

We don't trust anyone fully,  because no one is honest anymore. Cheating is easy. Lying is doable. Faking emotion is common. We just do what feels good rather than right.

A dear friend told me a story tonight that I feel inspired this exert. This friend fits the category in my book of what "they don't make anymore." We all know that couple that we see as "the happily ever after" pair. They're the ones we believe are going to prove that marriages can still work. Suddenly,  they split. The truth comes out, and well, shit on my dreams of the fairy tale being real, again. You've got a great guy who loves her so much:  tells her she's beautiful, shows her affection,  showers her with gifts,  provides for the family,  and loves them unconditionally. She wants to experience the world, live more dangerously,  sleep around,  visit greener pastures. Well I got need for ya sweetheart. The world is cruel. Love is hard to find. And yes,  I'm gonna say it. They don't make em like that anymore.

In nearly a decade of marriage,  I didn't receive a single Christmas gift that his mother didn't buy, a valentine's card,  mothers day gift,  anniversary celebration, and I could hit the other holidays,  but you get the point. His idea of affection was grinding on me in the kitchen, while the kids were in the living room. No. Kiss me,  hug me, hold me, but don't grind. They don't need to learn that just yet. Chores weren't a joint effort,  in fact I mowed the yard all the way up until I delivered all 3 of our children. To sum it up,  I didn't have a husband. I had a wife with a male body.

The grass isn't always greener elsewhere. If you've got someone who looks at you like a fat kid looks at chocolate cake,  you better hold on tight. It doesn't get much better. If your sex life is suffering,  talk about it. Spice it up a little. If you're feeling smothered,  take a girls trip. Keep your legs closed,  but go. We all have our moments when we feel trapped. How you handle it,  is what defines the future of the relationship.

I can't tell you how to make a marriage work or even a relationship,  because truth is,  I'm single. Haven't had a successful one yet. I can share what will cause it to fail. I can tell a million mistakes to avoid, and that my dear,  is better than anything on earth,  in my southern opinion.

Don't yell at your spouse. Don't talk down to them. They're your partner. Talk to them,  like an adult. If you're irritated,  drink a glass of wine to loosen up first. But,  talk about whatever is bothering you.

Don't argue. I heard Bill Envall say once,  "if you want to argue,  ok, but we've got ya be naked first." Not an adult out there can do it. You're not mature enough. And if you are,  fine. Do 10 jumping jacks naked with your naked spouse. Then fight about it. Never gonna happen. Problem solved. You now have a new joke.

Don't stop wearing/buying lingerie. Keep it spicy. Shake things up now and then. Hang a note on the door that says "get naked," for when they come home. Anything to keep the love alive.

Send the kids to grandma's for a night. We all need a break now and then. Take a night off. Go out. Do something other than dinner and a movie.

Don't lose the affection. For goodness sake,  touch her. Hold her hand. Rub her feet. Kids her neck, shoulder,  arm, hand etc. Just let her know she's wanted. It doesn't have to always lead to sex. Just make your partner feel sexy.

Give compliments. Positive vibes yield positive results. I don't care if he forgot the garbage on the way out the door. Did he look amazing when he walked out?  Tell him. So what if he's all sweaty from mowing the lawn. Tell him he did a great job,  and give him a hug.

Do not EVER sleep in a separate room. Sleep together always. And don't go to bed angry. Work it out, whatever it takes.

Eat dinner as a family. Talk about the highs and lows. Family bonding cannot happen with the tv on. Put the phones away and talk to each other.

Don't poop with the door open. That's not a cute memory any way you swing it.

Don't let yourself go. We all put on a few pounds. Having children changes our bodies. That doesn't mean you stop shaving. Love the skin you're in but make it appealing to them as well. Yoga pants are comfy,  but every now and then put on a dress,  makeup and heels and be a different kind of beautiful.

Be kind. Not many just love their in laws. Visit them anyways. Go to that cake decorating class she's been raving about. Go to the gun range,  even tho you don't think you'll enjoy it. You may be surprised. Stop complaining and just do it,  because you love your partner.

Be honest. Sometimes it hurts. Do it anyways.

Don't lose that sparkle. The ability to stay young forever is one that many lose,  far before their youth is gone. Don't grow old, no matter how much you age. Run around the yard. Build a fort. Have a pillow fight. Stay young forever.

I guess to sum it up, remember what it was like to be dating, when you never farted in front of her,  you always had clean underwear, you were polite even tho you were dying. Don't lose that. Give everything you have to continue winning his/her heart. That's the only way you'll keep it. But above all else,  never stop laughing. The magic dies right after the laughter. If you cannot find comedic relief in the mundane moments of life,  God help you. Take the family to Walmart to people watch. You'll find a reason to laugh there.

There's no secret to success,  but at the end of the day,  it's about giving everything you've got. Today people don't do that. They give up, because it's easy. Don't give up. You loved them once. And remember, they don't make em they used to. You get a good one,  Lord help you to realize it.