Have you ever had those moments when you just want to strangle your kids? Or maybe just stop in the middle of heavy traffic and kick them to the curb? Life is hard. The world is cruel. Good Luck!! You'd be lying, and we all know it if you said no. At least once in every parent's life, their child's actions has driven them to a thought they're ashamed to admit aloud. Most of us would never carry out these actions. I would NEVER in a million years drop my child off at a busy intersection, barefoot with no sense of direction, 10 miles from home....but that doesn't mean it didn't cross my mind as she screamed the words I hate you!!!! I was frozen. The only thing I could say to her was how much I loved her, and how I would always love her no matter what. When later that evening she described in vivid detail how if I died in a car crash she wouldn't care, I kept telling her I loved her. Through tears, extreme nausea and immense emotional pain, I still loved that kid. Even when she raised her fist at me....that was the worst thought I'd had yet, but I still loved her. I wasn't afraid of her hitting me. I feared my reaction. I had never been in that position, and I certainly didn't want to experience it that night. Tensions were all together too high, and there was no telling what would happen.
Thankfully, I managed to deescalate the situation peacefully and with no violence. I was able to show her through a few simple actions that I loved her no matter what was going through her mind. It was in these moments I realized more than ever, she was her mother's daughter. That was the scariest of all things, but it helped me to understand how to get through to her. You can take every material possesion in this world away, but that won't change her. You can beat her. You can yell at her. You could do every negative form of discipline there is, and it would only fuel her fire. I know this first hand. I don't respond to negativity. I'm like George Bush. I don't negotiate with terrorists. But, if you come at me with love, patience, understanding, and an explanation, there's a strong possibility that I will turn it around. That's exactly what I gave her that night, and each day I've seen her since. I held that girl so tight, and I told her how much it hurt my heart to hear those words, but I'd always love her. I did this as she screamed at me. I'm certain the neighbors heard the whole shebang, and I didn't care. I was determined to break through.
A breakthrough was exactly what happened, but I didn't realize it until 3 days later. As I swung by the house for a second, I was greeted at the door with the sweetest, most precious little girl. She was beaming with excitment to see me, and it was then I realized how much I had missed that kid. My heart was so overwhelmed with emotions, I burst into tears. I held that girl so tight! I didn't want to let go. She had been so angry over the past few years., especially the past few months. Children will ask for love in the most hateful ways, and that had become evident. She was simply demanding my attention. It was crystal clear she just needed to know that I was there- that I loved her no matter what. I was bursting at the seams all afternoon, dying to get home to hang out with those tiny humans.
It's been 3 weeks now, and it seems the new direction I am taking is effective. I have no disillusions here. I know there will be more times ahead of hatred and unrest, but for the moment, I have that adorable little girl back that I have missed so much. I have seen her face week after week for 3 years, and yet on that Wednesday afternoon, I saw the real her again. I will cherish every moment I get with her. And in the times when I become stupid to her, and she decides to hate me again, I will love her. I will show her how much I love her. I may consider spraying her down with a cold water hose, but I will love her still.
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