Coach, it's supposed to be team building, not humiliating

I attended a softball game last week, and without a doubt it was the worst game I've ever watched. Ever. And I've watched an over abundance of softball games. By the time it was over I was horrified, irritated, over emotional, just exhausted from all the feelings, and I am compelled to share.

When we sign our children up for sports, what's the reason? Team building, learning to play well with others, a new experience, exercise etc right? Well I have long believed team sports were more about learning to win with grace and lose with pride, but most importantly to have fun. If it's not fun, it's work.

The teams took the field, and it was evident right away who would win the game. Fine and good. One side had 5 coaches where the other had 1 who only left the duggout for 5 minutes. The stands were filled with our team's parents and only a couple from the opposing side. Again fine and good. The first team struck out with 4 batters, and we swapped. When the umpire stepped up to assist in showing the pitcher how to throw the ball, it was evident she'd never played before. Of course this is when you would hope the coach would've told them to take it easy. Did they? No.

No, they didn't take it easy. We would spend the next hour playing the bottom of the first inning. An hour!! Of course, we went thru the line up at least 3 times. I stopped keeping score, but what I did pay attention to was the fact that our coaches were still leading the team in Cheers even after several runs came in. Our coaches were continuing to encourage stealing bases. Why? I wasn't the only parent embarrassed by the lack of class. 

When a team that doesn't have much guidance, very little funding, and even less involvement from parents takes the well groomed field in front of enthusiastic families and an overzealous opposing team with multiple coaches, it's intimidating to say the least, but when they add insult to injury and cheer while  said team makes errors and fumbles thru every play, it's humiliating. Win or lose, they came to play the game, and we had the opportunity to teach them how, but we didn't. The only thing they learned that afternoon was how to quit.

I watched the pitcher wipe tears from her cheeks hoping no one noticed as she tossed what had to have been at least the hundredth ball  towards home plate.  My heart ached as an outfielder in middle school became so disheartened that she sat down in the grass. When all eyes turned to our coaches for mercy, none was shown. The cheering eventually stopped, but we stole every base we could. We continued to walk player after player when the pitcher got so tired she couldn't even get the ball across the plate in the air. Still no mercy.

Several parents asked each other, "why doesn't the coach just tell them to swing? If they connect great. If not, then they at least will get an out or two and the chance at coming into the second inning!"

There were four teammates that never even touched the grass, because they were subs in the game scheduled to come out in the second inning, my daughter included. Four girls went home disappointed that they dressed to play, but never got to.

The other team left the field with so much haste,  while our girls went sliding into home plate, because they didn't get dirty during the game.  That wasn't the worst part.

We are talking about an inner city school. Those girls already don't have all the opportunities or privileges the others did. It was as if we told them "We are better." We aren't better. We certainly weren't that day. That day, I was ashamed. I was ashamed that the people in charge of teaching our girls to play were more concerned about winning and the number on the score board than the pride of others. They were more concerned about racking up points than playing a game. It wasn't fun that day. It was any fun for the people in the stands. It didn't appear any fun for the girls who didn't get to play, and it certainly wasn't fun for the other team.

We should have more class and tact than that. Our children should be taught that humiliating someone just because you can, doesn't make it right. Winning for personal gain, isn't winning. We were going to score more points that day, no matter what we did, but we had the opportunity to help a struggling team get better. We didn't take it. We made a struggling team struggle for an hour and fifteen minutes. We made them wonder why they even showed up. And we laughed and cheered for the better half of it.

Coach,  if you don't have grace and humility to teach the team, you're not qualified. All the talent in the world can't make up for lack of sportsmanship. You have the chance to teach these girls, not just about softball, but life. Teach them to lend a hand rather than an iron fist.
Sincerely,  the mom you disappointed when you failed to show class and chose domination instead. 

By the way, I'll pray for you.

It's time to be you again

I've mentioned many times about my struggle with anxiety. The struggle is real. While anxiety is very much a monster with many masks, some of us experience different forms in different situations. The situations also trigger a different response. I don't write this to highlight the disease, but to share the doorway to the light. I'm not out of the trenches, but I think I've found a rescue, and it's one I feel compelled to share.

Anxiety has plagued me for years now. I've had panic attacks in grocery stores, dentist chairs, even at home when there's nothing to be afraid of. I've been prescribed many different prescriptions and none seem to solve the problem fully. Some have helped, but I can't live my life medicated constantly. It's really not living if you are numb to the world around you, or if you miss a dose or two you become this emotional train wreck. That's not living. That's masking the problem.

A few weeks ago, I was discussing what was going on with a dear friend. There had been a few new developments with me, and I was really just venting. She shared with me that she had been introduced to essential oils, and there was a combination of oils called "liquid xanax" that had practically changed her life. (Now mind you I mentioned in my last post that more than half of Americans were taking some form of mood altering medications.) She had been able to cut her prescriptions in half and was actually being weaned off of them by her doctor!

This wasn't the only miracle she had up her sleeve. She worked in a play school for toddlers a couple days a week and managed to get every one of them to take a nap without fighting. Another oil. She helped a friend clear up her family's allergies. Another oil.

I'll be honest, at first all I could think was "ugh, another at home sales person peddling their crap from their pyramid scheme." That wasn't the case. She genuinely wanted to help me. Better yet, they actually worked.

I know there are others suffering. I'm not selling anything. But I am telling you this, if you want a cure from the numbing agents, I know someone who can help. Just imagine a day when you weren't thinking about having to take the pills, or the weight gain that inevitably comes with them, the horrible side effects, etc. What if it were possible to truly be normal again?

If you want to check it out, go check it out. You can look on the young living website  and read all about it. Now mind you, you're going to see it and think "oh yes! I saw that at the store last week!" No you didn't. You saw a watered down version that's not as great. Go look at what she's got. Read the reviews. And if you decide to give it a shot, you can thank me afterwards. Tell her I sent you.   Her sales # is 11078700. You won't be disappointed. You'll be free again. You'll be you again.

The silence of suffering

We've all heard the saying "we suffer in silence." Why? Why is it that we don't reach out? Why don't we seek help? Or better yet, what takes so long to seek that help when we do?

Is it that we are ashamed? Frightened? Worried we will become a burden? Belittled? Yes. It's all of those. We don't reach out, because somewhere someone made us feel as if it were not OK. And so we suffer.

We hide the pain. We mask the depression.  We struggle through the anxiety as best we can. We retreat from the people we love.  We shed silent tears in the showers. We attempt to cover the postpartum depression. We cover up the nervous breakdown. We tuck in PTSD as best we can. We create the closet of skeletons, and we suffer. Alone.

We do this for so many reasons. We are ashamed. We are too proud. After all what will people think? We are hurt. Maybe we've reached out so many times it feels redundant. Or we've reached out and no one helped. We are insecure.  Somehow we've come to believe we aren't worth the trouble. We are alone.  Maybe there just isn't anyone to care. Whatever the reason, we shut out our love ones. Lie to our friends. Miss out families.  We resort to solitude.

Did you know roughly 60% of Americans are taking some form of mood altering medication? That means that  of 5 people closest to you, at least 3 are struggling. We have to stop this cycle. I don't know how to cure anxiety and depression or anything else on the medical spectrum, but I do know this. If we didn't wait to reach out, if we didn't hide our feelings and let them build, that percentage would drop drastically. Better yet, if we stopped shaming mothers for being down, comforted the friend in a rough spot, offered to help the person with financial difficulty work out a budget, took an extra second to choose our tone  with our spouse, didn't belittle those who need us, and didn't give the impression we were being inconvenienced by another human, I think we'd see a difference in the world.

The good lord said "love your neighbor." He didn't say only if you have the time, or if they're to your standards. He said  "love them."

I too am suffering. I too am ashamed. I'm petrified of being a  disappointment, of hurting my family, and making mistakes.  I have heard more times than I can count to "grow up", "suck it up", "get over it". Sometimes it's not that simple. Sometimes, we need that person to talk to. We all could use a little more understanding.  Pay attention to the people in your life. We all have or demons, but we don't have to suffer in silence.

If you are unhappy, I urge you to say something. If you are lonely, call a friend. If you're worried you don't have a friend, call me. I'll be your friend. If you need a counselor, I know a great one. If you need someone to pray with you, I will. If you're worried the Lord doesn't hear my prayers, I'll point you to someone whom I know he does hear.  If your children are driving you mad, I will babysit. If you need a night out, take one. If you need a drink, I'll pour. Please don't suffer alone. This world needs you. We need the best you that you can be.