I often joke and many have heard me say, "I am ready to have the nervous breakdown I've been working on for two years." Truth is, I probably could have a full out melt down, but I am too much of a control freak to allow it.
Those closest to me can testify, I am cursed. I have long time known this, but it became glaringly obvious when a dear friend called from New Orleans to tell me a voodoo shop brought one thought to mind, me. At first I laughed it off. Sadly, this laughter has faded over time, and the reality of the situation is, he is right. I should've been named Murphy, because everything goes wrong!!!!
"When it rains it pours" is an understatement in my case. If I juggle one bill to purchase something extra, you can guarantee 40 will come due unexpectedly. My vehicle has never broken unless I've just paid the note. The utilities are always due the day before payday, and you can rest assured if I start a fight with ex, it's when I can't afford the lawyer.
Over the past couple years, I have seen incredible devastation, and while in the midst of misery I may not have the brightest outlook, I know I gain strength with each failure. I have discovered that kids are only little once, and I want them to be happy at any cost. I have learned to cherish the simple moments and not stress the unimportant things. A perfect house sounds great, but we live in ours. It's a distinct possibility if you arrive unexpectedly, there will be toys on the floor, laundry in the bathroom, dishes in the sink, at least one kid running around half naked and a mom swearing obscenities because she just stepped on a wet cheeto. It is what it is. My babies are precious to me, and it sends fire through my soul to have someone say I don't care about them. I have learned to smile at the tiny hand prints that are left behind. I'm ok with toys I step over every day, because they built a fort out of cars and weren't done playing. I don't have to have the most fancy furnishings. As much as I despise vans, the sliding doors are cool, and they have some serious storage space. I am no stranger to laugh lines, and I may never be swim suit ready again, but they're worth it.
I was told to count my blessings. When all goes wrong, focus on the positive and what can go right. Well, that may be easier said than done, but it's possible. In 18 months, I have gone from a stay at home mom in the suburbs to a single working mother of 3. I am a full time parent, with a full time job and overtime responsibilities, no time for much of a life and that's ok. We make it work.
I pray forgiveness for my short comings, but I accept my imperfections just the same. Life is hard. It's cruel, but it's also beautiful, if you know where to look. Money may be a serious stress point, but you can't take it with you, so enjoy what you have and buy desert now and then. Kids drive us all crazy, but now and then, let's take a step back and see that a junk food day is ok. Work may be hell everyday, but you're getting paid to be there. If you hate it that much get a new job. I want to ever embrace the simplistic moments in this life. It's worth it. Life isn't easy, but it's a hell of a ride.
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