First off, when you speak in anger, it'll bite you. If you swear you'll never do something when you're mad, you will eat those words. Shut up. Sit down. Think it over. Repeat if necessary.
Second, When you say "when I have kids, they'll never do that." Rest assured. The universe will accept that challenge. Your child will do that and much worse. I promise.
If you want that sweet toddler to talk, just swear. No other words necessary. It's inherent to their nature to repeat the things they shouldn't. Drop an F bomb. He'll be chatting your ear off in no time flat.
If your children don't spend enough time with you, or your spouse for that matter, just take your phone to the bathroom. Even the dog will suddenly need you.
Even better than that, if your child gets lost in the store, just go to the nearest dressing room and remove your pants. They'll barge in just as the jeans pass the knees. This too is in their DNA.
Lastly, if you ridicule another parent for an action of their child, yours will accept the challenge and repeat said action. Thus bringing me to my conclusion.
I am so very sorry to every person I laughed at when their child defecated in the yard. Once of my best friends, my old boss, and countless others have shared with me their stories, and I swore mine would never!! Well, I am sorry, deeply remorseful, because he has. He didn't just do it once. This boy has pooped in the pool, a friends pool, her yard, my carport, the deck, the yard, and well you get the idea.
Lord, give me the strength for the years to come. It appears I have penance to make. In addition to pooping on demand, he also loves the freedom of not having clothing. We tend to keep to ourselves, but the day I met the neighbors was because he streaked out of the backyard with us. I recall the man next door chuckling in his yard, and I thought nothing of it. The neighbor on the other side just shook his head and went inside. We had been carrying limbs from the back yard to the front, and apparently he decided his clothing was restricting his movements. It was as I saw the little old lady across the street laughing in shock and the family next door to her in horror that I noticed the little white streak buzzing about the yard. He had removed his attire and strutted to the sidewalk in his natural glory. I blinked, and he was naked.
I've always known children would take you to the your breaking point. This one may be the death of me. Y'all pray for me. I'm still trying to remember all the things I've laughed about, but I'm certain he will remind me soon enough. Don't worry. I'll share. We're all in this together right?
No comments:
Post a Comment