Survive this life, because we don't deserve to live without you

The conversation today somehow lead to suicide, again.  More than once in the past few months someone very near and dear to me has shared that they didn't want to live anymore.  My heart breaks in my chest every time I think of something like that.  How could this epidemic be affecting so many people in our lives?  I am convinced I know the reason, but that's for another time.  What I want to share with those that have, are or could possibly consider leaving this world before their time is this.  I want to ask a simple question.

What happens when you close your eyes in death? You believe in a heaven. You believe in a hell. So you know which one that path leads you to?

My job iss not to share what I believe,  but bring light to the questions they we all must answer within ourselves. I will also share an account of  a family whom I knew very well.

Many years ago, a couple met. They fell madly in love and planned to be married. He was from the States, and she was from Canada. The deal was they would start their family in Canada,  but eventually move to Texas. She agreed hoping he would never follow thru, but some years later he did. She fought the move, but eventually conceded. Upon their arrival,  her misery began. She refused to give it a chance,  and the tension between them grew. For months she explained in great detail to her husband how much she hated what he had done to them,  until one day he couldn't bear it any longer. He genuinely believed he had hurt the love of his life. He took a few days off work. He spent the time with his family. He held her like he hadn't in years. He told her all the wonderful things he loved about her. He cleaned the house,  put all of his things in order,  and made sure every detail was covered. They fell in love all over again that week. It was a Tuesday night that he left. He kissed her good bye, a kiss she had never felt before. The gut wrenching feeling she had wouldn't go away. He would never return. He went to church,  made peace within himself, and left. Everyone around him could feel something was off, but no one would've imagined what was to come. He went to the store,  bought a gun, and drove to a remote place on the highway. He left the car on the side of the road,  so it would be found. He carried his license in his hand for identification purposes. He walked down far enough that his body wouldn't be found by a passerby. There's no way of knowing exactly what went thru his mind,  but it was here he took his life.

When the police arrived to give the news,  his wife crumbled to the floor in disbelief,  begging for it not to be true. She lay there writhing in pain for what seemed to be an eternity. I can't imagine the guilt and grief she bore that night. His family all suffered a tremendous loss. His daughters lost a father. His wife lost a husband,  mother, her son, father,  his son,  brother lost brother, and friends lost a friend.

They say suicide is the cowards way out,  but I'm not completely sold on that. If you aren't sure what happens when you close your eyes in death,  that had to be an incredibly hard decision. To be faced with feeling like this life is too much to continue is overwhelming to say the least. What I am certain of is that suicide is not the end. It is merely the beginning. The chain reaction it sets off is the last set of circumstances anyone wants to endure.

As a parent, if I believed my child would close their eyes and heaven greet them,  I could be at peace with the decision. But to wonder every day if it did, or if they were suffering the depths of hell would be the hell I'd live forever. It would break me. Their father would break. Their mother would break. Their siblings would never understand. Grandparents would shatter. Every life touched would be impacted. Every single one of those people would wonder what they could've done to save , to help, to love them more.

The first time I shared this story, I saw the empathy in those eyes staring back at me as I described the events I had watched unfold. Simply explaining how hard life is wasn't going to get thru. Explaining how to see the beauty in the world would never make a dent. But sharing the aftermath of a real life taken far too soon from this world hit a nerve.

I don't make pleas very often,  but I will ask this just as I did this person.

If you love the people around you,  survive this life. Survive for them. Keep going for them. They don't deserve to live without you. Survive. Take one day at a time. One hour,  one minute,  one moment at a time and survive it. If you feel the burden of this world crashing down on your shoulders,  imagine your spouse, your mother,  your daughter like a fish out of water thrashing around on the floor begging for you not to be gone, and survive that moment. Call and tell them you love them instead. You can do this. If not for yourself,  do it for them. Let them help you survive. We need you here. We need you not to break us. We need you to survive. And we will do anything to help you.  We will take the time out of our day to sit with you, to hug you, to hold you and point out every wonderful thing that's worth surviving.  We don't want you to miss a single moment the good Lord has planned for you. 

I would give nearly anything to take the pain away,  but I can't. Instead I offer my unrelenting support. I give my time,  my prayers and my love. I will hold your hand and survive with you. Life is hard. For some its harder, but there is beauty in this life. Let us help you find it.

I will not promise that it gets better anytime soon. I will not say that you won't have days when all the wonderful things worth living for won't seem like you are what's in the way of them being great.  But I will promise you this, you are worth it. I can promise that if you call me, I will answer.  I will share a funny joke with you. I will lay under a blanket of stars and drift off with you, and should you choose not to survive, I will miss you dearly.  I chose to survive, because I didn't want to miss out even if it hurt. 

Survive this life, because we need you.