It's all just an illusion

So, I hesitated to share the previous post.  Not because it wasn't cute or funny, but because it was very personal.  I know. I know.  I share some serious dirty laundry and throw some wicked shade, but some things are just sensitive and should be kept to ourselves.  I posted it anyways, because the fact that someone else needed to hear it trumped the previous comment.

That said, I think that suicide is a rampant disease.  It is affecting so many people. It's sad and very scary.  It's not just touching those who've been to war, or lost everything, or seriously down on their luck.  It's affecting our youth, our kids, and even those who seem to have everything we all secretly covet.  I really took a step back to understand why.  Wanna know my logic?  Social Media.  Yep, there it is. 

Social Media is making us crazy. 

It doesn't matter where we turn there's so much conflicting crap to shuffle thru.  One minute you're staring at a magazine with a curvy woman on the front claiming we should all embrace who we really are and love ourselves for just that.  Then, the magazine right next to it has a picture of someone with unrealistic beauty expectations claiming that natural beauty is the way to go.  It's confusing for the adults.  I can't imagine how insane it is for our kids. Natural beauty does not come with a makeup regimen that took you 3 hours to complete, no does it include plastic surgery or waist trainers.  Jesus, have you heard of diet and exercise?  That's natural. Moving on, cause that's another sermon for another day. 

Open up Facebook and I promise there are at least 4 of your friends on vacation somewhere wonderful, 3 who are married to what she claims is the man of everyone's dreams,  2 kids are being whisked away to an amazing college that would cost more than my mortgage, and there is at least one "mom of the year" who secretly drinks more wine than Carter has liver pills. 

The sad reality of this, is on social media I can show you just the life I want you to see.  Take a second and look at mine.  Well that's a bad example, because I know this to be true and thus don't publish anything that would give hints as to what my life is like.  Look at people tho.  Everyone is doing so wonderful. They all love their spouses, even the ones you know are shacking up with someone else.  Their kids are all so perfect, even the ones you hear screaming in the parking lot from the back of Target. Every relationship is built to last. Everyone's dreams are coming true.  Well hate to break it to you, but they aren't, and all scrolling through that crap is doing is making each and every one of us feel badly about ourselves , because we don't have that. 

We see the vacations to the Mediterranean, but we don't see the mountain of credit card debt. We see the amazing parties thrown for their kids, but we don't see that without those elaborate parties, no one would show up.  We see the brand new vehicle her husband purchased for her, but we don't see the reason behind that is, because he got caught cheating with the waitress at the Moose Lodge. We see that she bought him every new pair of Jordan's that hit the shelf , but we don't see that eviction papers were filed twice this year..   We see all these seemingly perfect lives, and we compare them to our own.  Wake up!  They're just like you and me.  The only difference is I'm not to proud to say I haven't been on vacation in over 5 years, because I can't afford it.  I'm not too proud to admit that so much of our Christmas presents are second hand and regifted.  I'm not too proud to admit that I'm human, and I don't have it all together.  I'm normal.  My daughter went to school today in an outfit she picked out. I watched her brush her hair.  I noticed that she changed, but she looked a little more homeless in the outfit she left in than the pajamas.  Did I say anything? No. She's 12. If she can't pick out an outfit by now, there's no help to be had.  Plus, I believe at some point you have to stop hovering and let them be themselves.  But, again I digress and that's for another day. 

The point here is this, we are not perfect.  What you see on Facebook, Instagram etc, is the side of life that they choose to show you.  You aren't getting the real picture.  Chances are, and we all have this one friend too, if they show us the whole picture, we unfollow them.  No one cares what you had for lunch unless you share the recipe. 

Stop comparing yourself to everyone out there.  We all have struggles you know nothing about.  We are all just hanging on by a thread and a cork in our favorite bottle.  Even the so called rich and famous have to offer a half price show now and then to avoid being homeless. 

Survive this life, because we don't deserve to live without you

The conversation today somehow lead to suicide, again.  More than once in the past few months someone very near and dear to me has shared that they didn't want to live anymore.  My heart breaks in my chest every time I think of something like that.  How could this epidemic be affecting so many people in our lives?  I am convinced I know the reason, but that's for another time.  What I want to share with those that have, are or could possibly consider leaving this world before their time is this.  I want to ask a simple question.

What happens when you close your eyes in death? You believe in a heaven. You believe in a hell. So you know which one that path leads you to?

My job iss not to share what I believe,  but bring light to the questions they we all must answer within ourselves. I will also share an account of  a family whom I knew very well.

Many years ago, a couple met. They fell madly in love and planned to be married. He was from the States, and she was from Canada. The deal was they would start their family in Canada,  but eventually move to Texas. She agreed hoping he would never follow thru, but some years later he did. She fought the move, but eventually conceded. Upon their arrival,  her misery began. She refused to give it a chance,  and the tension between them grew. For months she explained in great detail to her husband how much she hated what he had done to them,  until one day he couldn't bear it any longer. He genuinely believed he had hurt the love of his life. He took a few days off work. He spent the time with his family. He held her like he hadn't in years. He told her all the wonderful things he loved about her. He cleaned the house,  put all of his things in order,  and made sure every detail was covered. They fell in love all over again that week. It was a Tuesday night that he left. He kissed her good bye, a kiss she had never felt before. The gut wrenching feeling she had wouldn't go away. He would never return. He went to church,  made peace within himself, and left. Everyone around him could feel something was off, but no one would've imagined what was to come. He went to the store,  bought a gun, and drove to a remote place on the highway. He left the car on the side of the road,  so it would be found. He carried his license in his hand for identification purposes. He walked down far enough that his body wouldn't be found by a passerby. There's no way of knowing exactly what went thru his mind,  but it was here he took his life.

When the police arrived to give the news,  his wife crumbled to the floor in disbelief,  begging for it not to be true. She lay there writhing in pain for what seemed to be an eternity. I can't imagine the guilt and grief she bore that night. His family all suffered a tremendous loss. His daughters lost a father. His wife lost a husband,  mother, her son, father,  his son,  brother lost brother, and friends lost a friend.

They say suicide is the cowards way out,  but I'm not completely sold on that. If you aren't sure what happens when you close your eyes in death,  that had to be an incredibly hard decision. To be faced with feeling like this life is too much to continue is overwhelming to say the least. What I am certain of is that suicide is not the end. It is merely the beginning. The chain reaction it sets off is the last set of circumstances anyone wants to endure.

As a parent, if I believed my child would close their eyes and heaven greet them,  I could be at peace with the decision. But to wonder every day if it did, or if they were suffering the depths of hell would be the hell I'd live forever. It would break me. Their father would break. Their mother would break. Their siblings would never understand. Grandparents would shatter. Every life touched would be impacted. Every single one of those people would wonder what they could've done to save , to help, to love them more.

The first time I shared this story, I saw the empathy in those eyes staring back at me as I described the events I had watched unfold. Simply explaining how hard life is wasn't going to get thru. Explaining how to see the beauty in the world would never make a dent. But sharing the aftermath of a real life taken far too soon from this world hit a nerve.

I don't make pleas very often,  but I will ask this just as I did this person.

If you love the people around you,  survive this life. Survive for them. Keep going for them. They don't deserve to live without you. Survive. Take one day at a time. One hour,  one minute,  one moment at a time and survive it. If you feel the burden of this world crashing down on your shoulders,  imagine your spouse, your mother,  your daughter like a fish out of water thrashing around on the floor begging for you not to be gone, and survive that moment. Call and tell them you love them instead. You can do this. If not for yourself,  do it for them. Let them help you survive. We need you here. We need you not to break us. We need you to survive. And we will do anything to help you.  We will take the time out of our day to sit with you, to hug you, to hold you and point out every wonderful thing that's worth surviving.  We don't want you to miss a single moment the good Lord has planned for you. 

I would give nearly anything to take the pain away,  but I can't. Instead I offer my unrelenting support. I give my time,  my prayers and my love. I will hold your hand and survive with you. Life is hard. For some its harder, but there is beauty in this life. Let us help you find it.

I will not promise that it gets better anytime soon. I will not say that you won't have days when all the wonderful things worth living for won't seem like you are what's in the way of them being great.  But I will promise you this, you are worth it. I can promise that if you call me, I will answer.  I will share a funny joke with you. I will lay under a blanket of stars and drift off with you, and should you choose not to survive, I will miss you dearly.  I chose to survive, because I didn't want to miss out even if it hurt. 

Survive this life, because we need you.