So, it's no secret that we lead a chaotic life. The only thing normal about us is the abnormal. I was comforted the other day as I read another mom's blog post about her son's sock catching fire on the ceiling fan as her daughter cuddled a dead squirrel. Sounds familiar!! I laughed and took comfort knowing there were other's just as cursed as me.
It's nothing for a pile of poop to be found on the patio....could be the toddler's, could be the dog's. Depends on who's been out lately, cause let's face it. The toddler waits till the last minute to go, and sometimes he just doesn't feel like going in. And, the dog, well, he's not a big fan of wet grass.
I'm the only person I know that has had every single appliance replaced in every home I've lived. Why? Well they just all die. This past year my home has flooded three times. The washing machine drain overflowed, midday thankfully. The dishwasher busted a pipe and died, and then the moderately new water heater cracked from top to bottom in the middle of the night. Thank God for concrete floors.
Got a vehicle a few years back. Said I'd drive it till the wheels fell off. Tire rods broke about a month later. Bought a jeep. Rear seal broke a month later. Bought a Navigator. Fuel pump went out on a holiday weekend while we were out of town.
I'm no stranger to a down turn of events. I come to expect it.
All that said, I was going through the massive stack of doctor bills that have poured into our house this year, and I noticed a disturbing trend. Now I'm not one to be too superstitious, but when I foresee something, I may or may not panic a little.
The end of spring was the beginning of the spiral. First up to bat was said toddler above, who decided to play on the couch and fell on the only Lego on the floor. Slight concussion, and a huge bruise later..... Round two went to my oldest who spent the weekend in the hospital. One of the most expensive stays I've ever seen. Third up was my oldest son. He landed wrong on the trampoline and broke his foot. I thought we'd had enough, and I let out a sigh of relief that summer was over a day too soon. The universe saw I wasn't completely broken, and my daughter almost ripped a finger off on the swing. Through all of this there was one child missing. My 5 year old hadn't had a thing happen. I mean he's a kid, so he has his normal share of bruises from day to day horse play, but nothing major. I wasn't sure if I should be grateful, beg for mercy, or start saving. Either way I found myself nearly having a meltdown.
What's next? A house fire? We've got renter's insurance. Not gonna be that lucky. A car crash. Nah, I've got vacation time still. Whatever it is, I'm just gonna go with it. Maybe swear a little in the moment, and then laugh about it later. It's just another normal day in our lives.
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Friday, September 15, 2017
Lord have mercy on me
There are a few things I've realized lately that I feel should be shared.
First off, when you speak in anger, it'll bite you. If you swear you'll never do something when you're mad, you will eat those words. Shut up. Sit down. Think it over. Repeat if necessary.
Second, When you say "when I have kids, they'll never do that." Rest assured. The universe will accept that challenge. Your child will do that and much worse. I promise.
If you want that sweet toddler to talk, just swear. No other words necessary. It's inherent to their nature to repeat the things they shouldn't. Drop an F bomb. He'll be chatting your ear off in no time flat.
If your children don't spend enough time with you, or your spouse for that matter, just take your phone to the bathroom. Even the dog will suddenly need you.
Even better than that, if your child gets lost in the store, just go to the nearest dressing room and remove your pants. They'll barge in just as the jeans pass the knees. This too is in their DNA.
Lastly, if you ridicule another parent for an action of their child, yours will accept the challenge and repeat said action. Thus bringing me to my conclusion.
I am so very sorry to every person I laughed at when their child defecated in the yard. Once of my best friends, my old boss, and countless others have shared with me their stories, and I swore mine would never!! Well, I am sorry, deeply remorseful, because he has. He didn't just do it once. This boy has pooped in the pool, a friends pool, her yard, my carport, the deck, the yard, and well you get the idea.
Lord, give me the strength for the years to come. It appears I have penance to make. In addition to pooping on demand, he also loves the freedom of not having clothing. We tend to keep to ourselves, but the day I met the neighbors was because he streaked out of the backyard with us. I recall the man next door chuckling in his yard, and I thought nothing of it. The neighbor on the other side just shook his head and went inside. We had been carrying limbs from the back yard to the front, and apparently he decided his clothing was restricting his movements. It was as I saw the little old lady across the street laughing in shock and the family next door to her in horror that I noticed the little white streak buzzing about the yard. He had removed his attire and strutted to the sidewalk in his natural glory. I blinked, and he was naked.
I've always known children would take you to the your breaking point. This one may be the death of me. Y'all pray for me. I'm still trying to remember all the things I've laughed about, but I'm certain he will remind me soon enough. Don't worry. I'll share. We're all in this together right?
First off, when you speak in anger, it'll bite you. If you swear you'll never do something when you're mad, you will eat those words. Shut up. Sit down. Think it over. Repeat if necessary.
Second, When you say "when I have kids, they'll never do that." Rest assured. The universe will accept that challenge. Your child will do that and much worse. I promise.
If you want that sweet toddler to talk, just swear. No other words necessary. It's inherent to their nature to repeat the things they shouldn't. Drop an F bomb. He'll be chatting your ear off in no time flat.
If your children don't spend enough time with you, or your spouse for that matter, just take your phone to the bathroom. Even the dog will suddenly need you.
Even better than that, if your child gets lost in the store, just go to the nearest dressing room and remove your pants. They'll barge in just as the jeans pass the knees. This too is in their DNA.
Lastly, if you ridicule another parent for an action of their child, yours will accept the challenge and repeat said action. Thus bringing me to my conclusion.
I am so very sorry to every person I laughed at when their child defecated in the yard. Once of my best friends, my old boss, and countless others have shared with me their stories, and I swore mine would never!! Well, I am sorry, deeply remorseful, because he has. He didn't just do it once. This boy has pooped in the pool, a friends pool, her yard, my carport, the deck, the yard, and well you get the idea.
Lord, give me the strength for the years to come. It appears I have penance to make. In addition to pooping on demand, he also loves the freedom of not having clothing. We tend to keep to ourselves, but the day I met the neighbors was because he streaked out of the backyard with us. I recall the man next door chuckling in his yard, and I thought nothing of it. The neighbor on the other side just shook his head and went inside. We had been carrying limbs from the back yard to the front, and apparently he decided his clothing was restricting his movements. It was as I saw the little old lady across the street laughing in shock and the family next door to her in horror that I noticed the little white streak buzzing about the yard. He had removed his attire and strutted to the sidewalk in his natural glory. I blinked, and he was naked.
I've always known children would take you to the your breaking point. This one may be the death of me. Y'all pray for me. I'm still trying to remember all the things I've laughed about, but I'm certain he will remind me soon enough. Don't worry. I'll share. We're all in this together right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)