I may not need you, but I'll always want you here.

A year ago today, the man of my dreams walked thru my door. He was already in my life. He already had a place in my heart. He was my friend. We'd hung out before, watched football games, laughed with friends and even been on double dates. This meeting was different. We were both single for the first time in a while. I was hesitant to spend time together, because the opinions of others would be formed. We would inevitably get the reputation of something was going on before. 

We got the rep. We've endured the rumors. We've lost "friends" over our relationship,  and I use that term loosely. Of the many people who probably did have affairs before they got together, we truly didn't. We were just friends. 

Even after this night, we continued to be "just friends." We didn't hide, but we did attempt a low profile. The guilt ate at both of us. We nearly parted ways several times, something kept drawing us back in. It was as if the universe was reminding us how short this life is. Life is fleeting, and when you find the one who makes you laugh, willing to lose sleep, to put anything in the line, they're worth keeping. 

I'm so glad he walked in to my life, muddy boots and messy, he's worth it. We've had our ups and downs. We've had our trials. We've lost our way a time or two and questioned why we even try. We are polar opposites. We butt heads daily, but there's no one I'd rather share this life with than him. 

We are the 1% who cuddle all night long. I miss him instantly when he walks away. His happiness is more important than my own, and I believe the same applies on his part. I've said too many times to count, "I don't need him, but I want him here. I can live without him, but I don't want to." 

To his parents, thank you. You've done a wonderful job raising an amazing man. To those who've supported us whole heartedly, I love you. You are the ones who've seen the love we have and are willing to hold our hands. To those who let him go, thank you even more. The cracks you left in his broken heart are more room for me to fill. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but I'm so grateful for the opportunity to love him. To those who left the cracks on my heart, thank you for teaching me what real love was. And to my sweet boo boo bear, I love you. I'm so glad you chose me. Thank you for standing by my side and loving me in my lightest and darkest hours. You are my favorite human, my best friend, my shooting star, and a dream come true. 

The hardest job on earth...

Parenting is so hard.  There should be a book given to teenagers when they decide to be sexually active describing the career path they're about to take. I'll write the first page. 

"Parenting- always hiring. Everyone qualifies, although not all will be successful or reach the same gratification. Hours are long, actually never ending. Appreciation will take at least 20 years of excruciating labor, even then you may not ever see it. The stress, anxiety, fears, sleep deprivation and resentment will last for at least a decade. Bathing, toileting, sleeping, cooking, and pretty much every other activity will come with an audience and usually a dozen questions. You will sacrifice nearly every piece of who you are. You will say things you never imagine, like 'don't lick the shopping cart. We always wear pants in public. Please don't poop in the yard!'  You will laugh and be thankful for each and every day you experience these horrors, but I promise, you will question your sanity...daily. "

That about sums it up. We don't get paid. In fact, we shell out thousands of dollars for sports to sit in unbearable heat, gaining hideous tan lines, to shout at an umpire and have a kid who is embarrassed that you arrived. We car pool our tiny humans everywhere, just to have them ask you to drop them off around the corner so their friends don't see. We shell out a small fortune for an education to be told they've decided to take a semester off and bar tend. 

We are disappointed a billion times over, but not in our kids. We disappoint ourselves. We failed at teaching respect. We said just walking away was the better option to violence, and when that sweet baby gets bullied you contemplate if violence really was the answer. The first swear word spoken from innocent lips will take your soul across the hot coals of hell, and you will regret the parental temper tantrum. 

See parenting doesn't come with a manual. It does, but no one reads it. It's the oldest person sitting at Christmas dinner. They'll tell you, but you won't listen. We all learn the hard way, and we stretch our nerves, budget and yoga pants to the last possible thread. 

We love our tiny humans, but man we often wonder "what the hell were we thinking?!" You're never prepared to have kids. You don't have enough money, patience or space, but somehow we always make a little room. When they grow up we sit and marvel. Only when they have children do we see our success. 

You're not a victim, you're just looking for attention

I read an article yesterday that made me want to vomit!! I can't imagine the person who wrote it to be very "wide lensed." The level of self absorption was so intense, I just saw her as a narcasist. It was then I was reminded that most of the world is like this. 

Well in the words of Dolly Pardon, "get off the cross honey, somebody needs the wood!" 

Stop playing the victim!! It's not cute, and while everyone who needs their safe place may entertain you, those of us who understand cause and effect just simply don't give a hoot! 

Life is hard! Your life hasn't ended up the way it is because of everyone else. You made choices every step of the way. My life sucks sometimes. There are a million things I'd like to change, but wishing won't help it. You know what does? Getting off your keester and working for it!! You can pray all day long, but the good lord isn't just gonna hand you your dreams on a silver platter. Go after what you want. You don't work, neither does he. Your significant other's ex doesn't like you? Aww so sad. Maybe there's a reason. Just maybe while he was swooning you, he was also telling her they were working it out. Stranger things have happened. Maybe you're not a nice person. Again, stranger things have happened. If you're not making enough money, go get a second job. Ask for a raise. Work harder! 

It's not everyone else's fault that things go wrong. Make better choices. Accept the ones you've made, and change the ones you don't like.

No one is going to thank you for the basics. Hell, it's rare enough to get a thank you for going above and beyond. Be grateful if you get acknowledgement, but don't expect it. Get off your "poor pitiful me" kick and just be happy. The world isn't going to make your life easier. That's just not how it works. 

You can gravel in your misery, or you can choose to get over yourself and move on. For the love of sweet tea, get over yourself. Live your life. Be happy. Stop looking for approval, we are all just trying to make it here. Either get in the race or get out of the way.